Home

One of my friends is researching the notion of “home” among Hong Kongers who have moved to the UK for more than a year for her dissertation. Although I’ve always been thinking about this topic after spending a decent amount of time in the UK, her research freshens my mind and encourages me to think about this topic. I’m also not sure if my thoughts on this matter will change later, as tbh I’m quite sure I will, so I think it’s worth writing some thoughts now, in March 2026.

I came to the UK in September 2022, and I knew I wouldn’t be going back to Hong Kong before my departure. Over these three and a half years in this country, apart from some days in a year travelling somewhere in the world, mostly Europe, I’ve always been in the UK. Most of my friends from Hong Kong usually go back at least once a year, unless they have their families here. But in my case, Hong Kong has already become a place of memory*, a place where I spent my childhood, and my origin. I’ve never been back since coming to the UK, and I don’t have plans on going back either. I made my decision ages ago not to go back to Hong Kong after witnessing and experiencing so much since 2019. And because of the historical connection and cultural similarities between Hong Kong and the UK, I have to say the UK is a good place for me to stay. At least for me, living in the UK is much more comfortable than in other European countries.

I guess I didn’t give myself an option to go back to Hong Kong, or I didn’t actually have one; my mind is always clear that I’m going to stay. This motivates me try my very best to adapt my life here, rather than using a critical point of view to live in this country. I do indeed understand how underdeveloped the UK is compared to Hong Kong (look at their shopping malls, my mates!), but I keep in mind that I should always remember what makes me come to this country. Gradually, I built my life here (I think?). I have friends here, I know where to find the things I need, etc. Hong Kong remains the place I love, but it quietly distances itself from my life. Even though I still have friends in Hong Kong, I don’t feel connected to Hong Kong anymore. I also watch YouTube channels or TV shows from Hong Kong, and read local news daily. But just as your international friends, or watching foreign shows, they’re no longer local to you. Friends are not by the corners, or someone you might meet at least once a year; YouTube/TV shows just make you remember how far away you are, because you will no longer be walking on the familiar street in the past. Oh, my parents are in Hong Kong too. I almost forgot about them. I guess this is the price when you’ve been living in a different country alone for too long and not seeing your parents much. Since moving to the UK, the three of us have only spent 12 days together. Not long ago, I even forgot about visiting the relatives as a family event. I only remembered that when my friend told me her plan on that day during our phone call.

I think “home” is somewhere you can be anytime, just like a shelter. It has your family and friends, and it’s somewhere you feel comfortable and safe. It’s a place where you should never feel stressed and tense. But when Hong Kong isn’t like that for me anymore, I gradually don’t think of Hong Kong as my home. When my friends told me they’re so sad about going back to the UK and they’ve missed home, I always just thought, well, I’m at home already. The UK is my home. Some people also love to say Hong Kong is always my “home”. This is a lovely utterance. But for me, I don’t think Hong Kong is my home anymore. It isn’t a place I can go anytime without stress, and it definitely isn’t a place I feel comfortable and relieved to stay. Of course, I still feel like I’m an invader in the UK sometimes. But at least I’m way more comfortable being in this country, especially now that I’ve left many memories here with many lovely people. Aren’t people always saying that when you go back to Hong Kong, you can immediately get the familiar smell once you land? This is how I feel about the UK. I always feel the comfort of being home when I’m back in the UK after travelling elsewhere. The “Welcome back” at the customs during the passport check always gives the warmth of home.

Sometimes I also doubt if I’m so forgetful about where I’m from, and that I’m not patriotic enough to my beloved Hong Kong. But I just can’t help that the UK is more of a home to me than Hong Kong, and I don’t even consider Hong Kong as my home anymore. Hong Kong always has a special place in my heart, and will always have. But it’s just like your ex. You may still love it, still follow everything about it, still want everything to be good on it. But you can’t go back to the time when you two are together, nor can you see a future of you two being together. I fucking love Hong Kong, so it hits me harder when I realise Hong Kong is no longer my home. It’s always devastating to lose somewhere that once gave me comfort and warmth, but I guess, or we, just have to accept the brutal truth.

 

曾以為有家就是安穩 當天氣改變世道人心
再溫馨 都感覺似被幽禁 
至發現城牆外面 曠野那天空 不算暗
《今生不回家》 周國賢

 

 

*a place of memory: when I was writing this article, I was thinking of the word “故鄉”. “故” means past, deceased, and “鄉” means hometown, or it can simply mean just a town. But if I try to translate “故鄉” literally, this would be “hometown”, which is slightly different to what I’m trying to explain here. “A place of memory” is a bit awkward, but I couldn’t think of a better English word, probably due to my defective English. 

 

後記:

雖然呢個問題自己都諗咗好耐 但就係有一晚臨瞓前諗起 仲諗到朝早5點
於是就決定將佢寫出嚟 一係希望疏理思緒 二係希望比將來嘅牙ju睇