2026.

I should have posted this at the beginning of the month. I finished this early this month, but at first, I wasn’t able to upload because my MacBook was sent for repair, and then I kept forgetting once I got it back. Time really flies, and it’s now already the end of the month, and even the 1st February if you consider Hong Kong’s time, which is my birthday. Hope I get wiser as my age goes up, and good luck with whatever I’m doing. (Very important: speedy recovery of my poor knee!)

The past year, 2025, was a lot for me: injured my knee, graduated from uni, started to build a place where I call home, and got my first job. It was a year in which I finally gained something I’d put effort into, but it was also a year in which everything challenged me. I had lots of wonderful moments in the year, but there were more dreadful moments, which made me question why I would even start doing the things I have been doing. I just hope that in the forthcoming 2026, most things will be back on track. It’s my another year in this country, where I now call home, with a new journey ahead of me. 

When I was writing this, I was sitting at the cafe at Waterstones in York. Watching the snowfall while sipping my coffee, typing all these out like a routine, but not a traveller, felt unreal. Moments like these are not something I could have imagined a few years ago, but it happened. Over the past few years in this place, I have had many fantastic moments that I wish I could always have. But at some points, especially after graduating from uni, when I reflected on everything that I had experienced, I started to have a feeling that I should get out of this place. I have become more comfortable in this place, and this feeling is getting stronger as time passes. It is at this point that I know I should carry on a new adventure.

Starting a master’s degree in a new environment still sounds scary to me. I’m not even sure if I’ll survive in a more competitive environment. I applied to those unis because the voice in my mind told me to do so, to step out of my comfort zone and get out of somewhere similar to York. But if I could achieve everything that I have achieved in the past few years, it would be alright, I guess? When people asked for my plan for day offs, I always told them I’m gonna meet my friends. It sounds neutral, but remember, I didn’t know anyone when I first came to this place. I met all the lovely ones from the very first day I arrived, so I guess I would meet some lovely ones when I got somewhere new, and build a new life there. To be fair, it should only be easier, not harder, given that I have already lived in this land for some time and known some people from this place. The environment might be new, but the whole experience won’t be as different as when I first came here. 

Besides, I guess my English has improved as well, after all. When I first started uni back in 2022, I could barely follow what was happening in most classes. I mostly felt like I was sitting there just to pay off my very expensive international tuition fees, because the opportunity cost of skipping one is way higher than sleeping on my bed. But recently, I eventually got more and more compliments on my English, which I never thought I’d receive one day. At work, I sometimes get customers telling me that my English is really good, or telling me that my English teachers did a really good job, after learning that I learnt mostly back home. I’m not sure if this is just British politeness or I simply deserve that, but I would take the latter, because I really think I’ve gone so far from the first day I came to this place (Again, if you’re in doubt about where I started, please go back to my first post, I uploaded my writing at school five years ago somewhere in the post). 

It’s nice that I’ve become more used to everything in this country, but everything has its own costs. While I‘ve gradually improved my English, my Cantonese has become slightly off. Some of my friends back in Hong Kong started to complain about my weird grammar and sentence structure in Cantonese. They even urged me to spend more time reading some more Chinese books. But things aren’t that easy, aren’t they? I have to admit that I’ve read fewer and fewer Chinese texts but more and more English texts. But even if I read more Chinese, I wouldn’t turn back to the person who just completed her Chinese public exam. What mattered the most is I no longer live in a place where Cantonese is everywhere. Cantonese can no longer be a part of my life. And, simply reading literary Chinese isn’t the same as speaking and listening to Cantonese, or even writing formal Chinese texts.

When I first started writing and posting on this website, I had an ambitious goal. It was ideal, because I was too naive. I thought that, to cater for a wider audience on my webpage, I should post everything bilingual, including both English and Chinese versions. I actually started this plan sometime in the summer, after posting my first post. But have you seen any Chinese on this webpage so far? No, because I soon realised this goal is a bit unrealistic. After drafting my first Chinese manuscript for my first post with some help from Google Translate, I sent the copy to my friend for feedback. She only had the time to read the first few paragraphs, but I realised my mistake even from that limited feedback. You’d probably seen teachers marking in red frequently in your life when you were a student. I got a similar marking, but with the word replacement or comments almost every few words. She also commented that some sentences are weird because it’s clear that they were being translated from English. At that moment, I truly understood that my current Chinese writing skills might not be good enough to write something publishable online. But I also started to reflect on myself. When do I actually start to prefer writing in English to my “native” language? In fact, the shift isn’t just solely on my language use, but also reflects in my cultural knowledge.

A long while ago, my friend from Hong Kong casually mentioned a Japanese doughnut chain that is currently operating in Hong Kong during our conversation. When she mentioned the name of the place, I asked her what that store was, as I had absolutely no idea about it. She was a bit annoyed, telling me that it had been operating in Hong Kong for ages. From her perspective, it’s something a Hongkonger should know about, and it’s unacceptable otherwise. But I’m a girl who left the city in September 2022, and have never been back once ever since. Even for the tragic fire that happened a while ago in Tai Po, I learnt the news from the BBC, but not from any media outlet from Hong Kong. I also learnt the recent trending word “dope” from one of my Hong Kong friends who I met in the UK, not from any social media platform itself. I’m definitely “outdated” as a Hongkonger, but I’m definitely not a Brit. From the surface, it must sound like a joke that I don’t know much about the trending topics back home, but it also makes sense, given my current cultural and social background. 

The longer I stay here, the more I doubt my identity. The question of “where are you from” has become tricky. When you tell people that you’re from Hong Kong, you know you won’t be able to answer much about current trends. But you also have to be careful when telling people that you live in the UK, because you don’t know that much about the place you live. I guess the dilemma of adapting to life in the UK and protecting my identity as a Hong Konger will continue to be one of my biggest lessons in the new year. 

I hope everyone has a fantastic 2026. Sometimes we don’t need everything to be perfect, but at least for me, being satisfied with what I’ve been doing is something I’m very glad about. I guess that if we don’t have challenges, doubts, or failures, we won’t feel that pleased when we finally reach something. In 2025, I achieved a lot, but I also lost a lot. There’s a saying motivating me every time I was hit: What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. I just hope that in the upcoming 2026, I can always bear this motto with me. I’m not great at anything, but I hate losing, and this is what motivates me to keep improving.